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Rewind
Saturday, October 6, 2012 @ 2:59 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"In another life, I would make you stay
so I don't have to say you were the one that got away."
-Katy Perry
When did it all stopped?
It all stopped when your life changed my mine didn't.
It all stopped when you went to college and I was stuck in high school.
It all stopped when you made a lot of new friends and I made little.
It all stopped when you made promises and I was left waiting for you to make them happen.
It all stopped when feelings of love were questioned, when companionship were replaced by longing, when the thoughts of "us" no longer lingered, when you moved on and I still waited, when you came back and I turned you down because when you left, I was left with nothing.
Feelings did not change. I still feel the same way I felt eight years ago. I still want to hold your hand, bury my face at the curve of your neck, smell that sweet taste of yours; but all of those were a distant memory. Eight years have passed and all I was left with are letters and a photograph of you. I still read them, trying to bring back beautiful memories but all of it still hurts. Remembering hurts, forgetting hurts, forgetting you hurts and moving on hurts the most.
I have moved on. I took four steps forward but a single message, a flash of your smile, the sound of your voice made me took eight steps back. I'm farther now. Far from forgetting and far from ignoring these feelings of longing.
I'm still here hoping, waiting for you to come back because you once told me you would and I'm still clinging on to that single promise. I poured my heart out to you, took me all the courage to tell you all of my feelings and letting it all hang out there, very visible for you to see. You were my first love. Probably my true love. I'm still here waiting for you to give me another chance and show you a shot of what it feels like to be "us" again. In the mean time, I'll live my life as I watch you live yours. I'll slowly move on but that doesn't mean when you call me, I won't be there to answer it.
TTFN.
Labels: high school, life, longing, love, regrets Maybe. Just Maybe.
Monday, August 27, 2012 @ 9:33 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"Just because I moved on doesn't mean
I won't be here if you change your mind."
Maybe it was real love. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just a pure school-girl crush or maybe not. Infatuation? Puppy love? Obsession? I don't know which. All I know is that it was somewhere in between. I could never describe this feeling. Loneliness maybe. A terrible case of longing. Yes, that could be it. Maybe.
I know I would regret this someday -- that I did not call her and I would regret it big time. I terribly miss her. Her face. Oh God it's so beautiful. I want to touch her. Hold her. Feel her body pressed to mine. I want to feel her heat, her presence. I want to see her smile and her dimples on her cheek. I want to tuck her hair on her ear. I want to hold her hands, feel that sensation when our fingers intertwined. I want to place my hand on her waist, look into her eyes, into her soul. And if I'm lucky, maybe I could get a kiss and then some.
Knowing that she's here, that she's just a couple of miles away. Maybe a less than an hour drive from where I live and I could not pucker up the courage to ask how she's been, how long she'll be staying or if I could see her. Yes, I will regret this because someday she'll be in another continent and it would be much more impossible to see her. Just a glimpse, is all I ask. Is that even too much?
All I'm asking is to see you smile at me again and then I'll be whole. And then maybe, just maybe my longing for you will subside.
Labels: longing, lost love, love, missing you ...And Then They Left
Thursday, April 5, 2012 @ 8:16 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"Don't cry because they left. Just smile because
they gave you a chance to find someone better."
They left, I cried. They threw me away without a single hesitation of wanting me back. Friendships are gone and forever lost for no longer shall I be with the people I adore most. Here in my room, thinking of the past and what might have been if we have stuck together. Surely, they never look back -- as if I was not their friend for four years. They talked behind my back as if I didn't know. I was hurting with no one to run to.
I never knew this would happen for we always talk about the future and attending each other's weddings. Sadly, they left and so did I but this does not mean I stopped thinking about them and hoping that one day I'd be their friend again.
I don't want to reach out for I don't want to appear clingy and desperate. And besides, I have no face left to show them. We drifted apart and ran out of things to say unlike before that a day with them would not be enough for all the things we need to tell each other.
So here I am hoping for the best as I look at their photos with a little hint of regret. Without them in my life, I never would have met another set of friends who accepts me for who I am and listens to what I have to say.
I know I'm not a terrible person but it looks like they were never meant to be in my life for the long haul.
So I bid them goodbye and hopefully I can move on because this scar has not been healed since the day they broke my heart. :(
TTFN. Labels: friends, friendship, love A Sorta Fairy Tale With You
Monday, November 28, 2011 @ 3:23 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"I always looked for a man to rescue me and bring me happiness. I bought into that myth, of course, and looked for my own Prince Charming."
-Linda Evans
no more deceit, no more lies it's time to open up my eyes no more foolishness, no more pain coz i have been waiting in vain no more second chances, no more tears i have learned to let go of my fears no more sadness, no more gloom i've been feeling so blue for so long no more sweet nothings nor kind gestures for i have enough of my delusions of grandeur i locked my heart in a place no one could find it i'm so fed up with guys trying to keep me interested i'm done shattering into bits and pieces i isolated myself from the world around me. i threw away my dreams of finding my prince charming coz every guy out there has monsters locked inside of them i fantasize no more of my dream castle since prince charming has been long gone lost in the woods, shot in his heart with a poisonous arrow. as much as i want to put myself in deep slumber i can't coz i have to face my reality. i woke up with tears on my eyes then i heard the beautiful music of the night i saw someone walked into my room hugged me tight, never letting me go this someone, so real and true someone who took away my blues i can see myself smiling -- imagining ever happy ending i can see myself smiling hoping this dream would never end. Labels: fairy tales, fantasy, love, prince At A First Glance
Saturday, September 10, 2011 @ 11:01 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"hearing something that kills you from the inside
and having to act like you're fine
is one of the bravest things in the world."
why did you left me here so blue?
why did you make me feel like i need you?
you left me here, scarred and bleeding on the floor
as i saw you open the bedroom door.
you were supposed to be "the one," my other half
for you always managed to make me laugh.
oh, how i treasure those memories i have with you
since the day you started giving me clues.
my heart blossomed since the day you began to notice me
as i sleep each night full of glee.
but my world started falling apart
when you finally admitted what's inside your yearning heart.
i could've been the one to help you pick up the pieces that she broke
for i don't want to see you hang yourself on a rope.
i am here, so give me a chance
for i never lost hope from the day you gave me that glance...
Labels: abandonment, alone, challenges, changes, disappointments, hardships, heartaches, journey, life lessons, love, people, unrequited Terrified
Friday, August 26, 2011 @ 10:14 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "you set it again, my heart's in motion, every word feels like a shooting star. ...i am in love, i am terrified." -Katharine McPhee my prince, where have you been? my prince, i've been waiting for you and it feels like a sin. my prince, now that you're here, will you stay for good or leave whenever you feel like you should? my prince, fill my heart with love as i fill yours from the heavens above. my prince, i'm starting to like you every single day. my prince, please don't abandon me, if you may. my prince, you're real and in front of me. my prince, you're everything i ask for and a little bit more. my prince, my knight, you cleared the darkness with your light. my prince, with your presence, i am intoxicated. my prince, your smell, so addictive. my prince, i'm here and i'm ready for any troubles we will be facing, my dear. my prince, i love you and i hope you love me, too. my prince, you've completed my world with your little signs of sincerity and tiny surprises. my prince, i am floating; thank you for making me feel this way. my prince, you are endearing and you placed colors in my skies of grey. my prince, i am here and yours to keep. my prince, i'm glad you took the leap. my prince, i'm glad you like me just the way i am. my prince, i'm starting to get attached to you; well i'll be damned. TTFN Labels: crush, infatuation, life, love IT WAS ENCHANTING TO MEET YOU
Thursday, March 17, 2011 @ 11:20 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "I kissed a lot of frogs as well, but no, I kissed a lot of frogs and now I've found my prince." -Joan Collins riding on his white stallion, my heart skipped a beat. i could not resist the emotions i felt. he looked so handsome, so untouchable, so true. a man with sheer talents, a man every girl wants to own. more than ordinary, he's not like any human being, for i see him someone holy -- someone sent to me so i could feel love and be lost in a daze. he was kind and took no shame in showing chivalry. more and more i fell into deep with this man standing before me, showing me nothing but pure sincerity. girls swooned as he passed -- it is not hard to notice since he shines from the pack. with his hair pushed back and the cool scent he's wearing, i could not resist but be pulled by his presence. this man, right here, i could not even believe existed has shown me a great deal of kindness for it is in his nature to be kind and show no disrespect to anyone. i want him more than ever coz he made me feel great not like the guys i met before. he sure is unique and a rare stone to find; but when found, it is worth the while. i could not help but gush every time he mentions my name, for it is then i knew he was thinking of me, too. i would do anything for him, anything i could offer, for i want to be in his life and not just for the time being but for as long as forever is true. he stared at me with those beautiful chocolate eyes. there's nothing i could do but melt and feel the tingling sensation that was coming down my spine. those eyes which screamed honesty looked deep into me and through my soul. he held my hand and whispered words in my ear and then my eyes grew big from the words he uttered. i was struck and caught off guard, but then i realized there's more to life than wanting to be his wife. as i watched him climbed up his stallion, i could hear my heart shattering into pieces; but then again, without him having entered my life, love and i would have never met. TTFN. Labels: dreams, life, love, prince, reality Light Up the Candle
Saturday, November 20, 2010 @ 11:06 PM | 1 Comment [s]
 "to be thirsty and to drink water is sensuality rarely achieved. sometimes you drink water; other times you are thirsty." -Jose Bergamin he caressed my legs up to my neck. his soft fingers running to my body, slowly touching me, making me feel so exhilarated. i was blown away on how good he was on knowing the most sensitive parts of my body. i was on fire and my body was about to burn. i ran my fingers down his spine and out of excitement, i scratched his back with my long finger nails leaving bruises for him to tend to. he was sweating and so was i. it was the moment we've been waiting. our perfect night. the night we imagined for so long. he held me close, so tight that it was hard to breathe. his hands were on my head slowly touching my hair. savoring every moment of it, i closed my eyes, hoping this night wasn't going to end. he kissed my cheeks down to my shoulders. the feeling was so great that he literally left be breatheless. i was grasping for air, trying to remember how to breathe right. as i opened my eyes, i saw his beautiful eyes gazing at me as if he was looking at my soul, reading my thoughts and deciphering my expressions. he stood before me, holding the back of my head and thrusting it to his chest, making me listen to the beat of his heart. it was fast. and right then and there, i knew he was nervous all along. he kept on touching me, making me feel that tingling sensation. i could not ask for more. he has given me enough to actually take in for one day. he was here with me, holding me close and never letting me go. his body so close to mine, his heart beating fast and his eyes were on me, never letting me out of his sight. i smiled at him and he smiled back and no one could ever take that away from me. for the first time in a very long time, i felt secured. with him right by my side, we could surpass every storm that was coming our way. he was shield and i was his. we were together and with that, nothing could ever tear us apart. i was happy. we were happy. and then as i opened my eyes, i saw the light from the sun. i searched the room and he wasn't there. then i realized it was too good to be true. my fantasy made it feel like it was my reality and my nightmare became something i could never escape. as i take in the pain of something that could be almost real, i took a deep breath, and finally let it go. TTFN. Labels: life, love, pain, relationships Always In My Heart, Often in My Dreams
Monday, September 27, 2010 @ 12:36 AM | 0 Comment [s]
 " i guess everyone has their reasons for keeping people away; in an instict to protect yourself from getting hurt. it's part of human nature." if only i could, i would've deleted you in my life. with no evidence of your existence, it would've been easy for me to move forward, to be happy, to find someone new. it hurts me to see you happy. conceited as it may seem, but i want you all to myself. i've been trying to get a hold of you, trying to show you how beautiful life is if we're together. but then, you have given me no chance at all to prove that. you abandoned me. and now, a hole in the center of my heart was born the day you decided to neglect my presence. for the nth time or maybe more, again, i was wrong. i could never fool myself; much more my heart. my mind may think otherwise but it's my heart that longs for your existence. i want to touch you, hold you and caress you gently to sleep. i want to tell you stories and at the same time gaze into your beautiful eyes. i want to see you for who you truly are and i want to see you happy of the things i have done. i could never ask for another because it is you that the world has offered. forever will you be in me and forever i will long for you to come running back to my arms again. i was a dreamer to hope you would be mine and i was nothing more but a mere girl broken hearted because of love. TTFN. Labels: love, memories, past, relationships I'm Being Fetched By The Grim Reaper
Saturday, February 27, 2010 @ 11:51 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "right now i'm sitting on a bridge gazing down at the water, too scared to jump but too afraid to stay." life has indeed given me more than my fair share of pain and lies. no need to keep the truth away from me. i will know it eventually. it's good that i knew it beforehand. it's good that you don't have to lie to me anymore. just when i thought life has given us a second chance to test the emotions we are having for each other. again, i was the one to blame for suddenly disappearing just like that. it was all my fault. yes, i am taking the blame. i'm not mad that you didn't tell me the big news. what i'm having issues about is how you managed to tell me that we could have something real this time. i was bothered for days coz i was unsure of what i have gotten myself into again this time. but now, there's no need for me to think about our situation anymore. you yourself has given me enough answers i needed to know. i get it. you're getting back at me for what i did to you 4 years ago. my apology was really sincere. i never intended to hurt you and i never intended to leave you but i did and i am really sorry. so, i guess this is finally it. our story ends here. no more fooling and lying around. i have my ways. i don't actually have to search for it to know. i don't chase the news. the news comes to me. goodbye... forever. as much i i don't want it to end like this, i have to. i don't want to be the 'second choice' anymore. i'm through with all that BS. like i said, i want someone NEW to hurt me --- or make me happy. not someone from my past and if it was, i wasn't expecting it to be you. sorry, but that's the truth. i was actually forcing myself to forget everything that happened between us. but i just can't. it sucks, really. TTFN Labels: love, past, relationships I Look at the Stars and then I Remember You
Friday, February 19, 2010 @ 10:01 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "I want the one I can't have and it's driving me mad it's written all over my face." Valentine's Day --- a movie worth watching. no, i'm not going to blog about the movie. what i'm going to blog about is how i felt while and after watching the movie. i was moved by the movie especially the story of Kate Hazeltine. i was forcing myself not to cry even though tears were about to fall down my cheeks. it was so inspiring that it made me realize how some people would go for miles just to see the one they love. next was Sean Jackson's big revelation. i do wish i could be able to do what he did --- shout it to the entire world and not care about what people might think. it was a brave move and i know i won't be able to do what he did. confident as i am, i could never gather my guts to say what i REALLY want to say without the fear of being judged. i wish i could but i couldn't. Dr. Harrison Copeland. the same doctor i knew in Grey's Anatomy. slick and sneaky. i could never understand on why some people could actually do what he did in the movie. it was pretty deceitful not to mention painful. I loathe people like him IRL. i could never forget Kara Monahan. her idea of a party was pretty awesome. bitter, yes. but then again, it was inevitable for people like Kara to feel the way she did in the movie. childish, yes, but very therapeutic. i had the biggest sympathy on Reed Bennett. i guess not all good things come to an end. his story was so tragic that i almost want to bitchslap Morely Clarkson for being so insensitive to Reed's feelings. it actually made me realize to think twice before doing anything coz some people might get hurt during the decision making process and as much as possible, i would never want people to get hurt due to my wrong decisions. Julia Fitzpatrick showed why revenge is sweet. i don't have to watch this movie to be able to realize that fact. she's a strong, determined person and weird as it may seem but i see a part of myself in her. i don't allow people to push me around and she showed how 'self-defense' is important in her story. like most teens out there, Alex and Grace just couldn't wait to experience that very magical moment in a relationship. i couldn't blame them, actually. having to deal with peer pressure and hormones is a very hard thing to do. i guess almost everybody wants to know how it feels but i still recommend to wait for the perfect moment. like destiny, it is not planned. it will happen when the moment is right. i really, really wish i could meet someone like Holden. really. someone like him and Sean Jackson. oh wait. scratch that. i think i just did. having the chance to walk around this planet for 19 years made me realize that you have to accept every person for what they are especially those people that is in your life. Jason had a hard time doing it with Liz and i kinda hated him for shutting her off just like that. just like Morely Clarkson, what he did was unbelievable. with all the love showed in the movie, i couldn't help but feel lonely. it was depressing for me. i know i'm being bitter and all but what i went through over the past few years was hard and i kinda went through it alone. so, yeah. :) TTFN. Labels: learnings, love, memories, movies, pain, past, people, present, realizations, valentine's day I'm Only Human. We All Are.
Thursday, January 14, 2010 @ 10:37 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound and ho raindrops look like tears without pain." some hater of mine read my blog. this blog. she then posted in the chatbox of the other blog that i'm contributing and said that i'm "heart broken." well, i will surely look like a total hypocrite fool if i will deny that. of course, i am heart broken. i guess almost everyone has been heart broken. and guess what? i'm proud that i have experienced heartaches. it's tough going through that stage especially at a very young age. you may hate me because of the things i do but what i can't ponder is that why people make it such a big deal that someone is "heartbroken." those experiences made me strong, gave me a lot of lessons and made me realize a lot of things that i shouldn't have and should have done. heartaches. they're just part of the cycle. we are only human and we are capable of feeling pain. i'm lucky enough to experience love, to love and be loved in return. i'm lucky to be heart broken and i'm lucky to go through that phase without being too bitter about it. if you haven't experience heartache, your time will come soon and you can't even describe how bad it feels. take it from someone who knows. :) happy new year everyone. TTFN. Labels: blog, heartaches, life, love it was real. everything of it was real.
Thursday, December 24, 2009 @ 2:00 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "Love was always the thing that did that- smashed into you, left you raw. the deeper you loved, the deeper it hurt." aren't you tired of hurting me, leaving me behind every memories we have created, throwing me around like a piece of junk? don't you feel guilty of making me feel this way, making me worried about you, when in fact, you don't even care for me at all? isn't it enough? the care, affection, love and attention i have given you for the past few years? do you want more? do you want me to stop? how could i know what to do when you don't even talk to me anymore. didn't you receive the signals i have given you? i love you, did you felt that? i care for you, did you even see that? i long for you, for your touch, your kisses and your hug, did you know that? why me? above all girls that you met, why must i suffer from this tragic love story? do you feel tired at all? i'm exhausted. i'm tired of this shit. please help me let you go. i want you out of my life. i want to be free. to be free from you, from everything. TTFN. Labels: boy, confusion, girl, life, love, questions 5 years isn't enough
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 @ 8:47 PM | 1 Comment [s]
 "no love is bigger than the one which is given away ---torn apart and yet it still remains." i don't think it's healthy for me to still it's sad on how we allowed people and time to drift us apart from each other. every thing's a blur now. a vague reality, an unescapable past, a tormenting present and a surreal future. i wish he could've just given me the heads up that he was leaving for good. after all those years of my unsaid feelings for him, i finally decided to tell him i he was my friend, my shoulder to lean on, my strength. and now he is my pain, my suffering and my hurtful past that keeps on haunting my present. TTFN. Labels: boy, life, love, pain, past Unrequited Love
Friday, September 11, 2009 @ 7:39 PM | 5 Comment [s]
 "forgive, sounds good. forget, i'm not sure i could. they say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting." the one who manages to fix her hair every morning hoping to get a glance from him. the one who provides nothing but comfort, love and affection. the one who gives a huge deal about him touching, staring or even talking to her because maybe she's thinking she'll never get him to do that to her once again. the one who tries her best to get him to notice her that she'll even try to laugh out loud when she passes by him. this is for the girl who has been there the moment he asked her for help but receive no help from him when she needed him most. this is for the girl who listens to sad music every night, wishing that she can tell him what's really going on inside her heart and mind. here's to the one who believed everything that he said. that he promised her he'll be waiting for her till the end only to find out that he already got himself a girlfriend after a month that he said that to her. this one is for the girl who gave him a huge amount of clues only to see him chasing a girl who puts too much make-up on. here's to the girl who never left his side, who was led on the moment it started, who believed that everything he said and did to her was more than just a friendly kind of love but it was never true love to begin with. this is for the girl who knew it was over before it began but she decided to continue it anyway because she's hoping he would eventually fall in love with her. here's to the girl who allowed the guy to fool her, to let her feel special only to hear him say, "it was a mistake." the one who never believed what people said to her, that she deserve something better and that she should stop all her madness. this is for the girl who love him more than anything else in the world. the one who who managed to held on to something that was never there to begin with. this is for those confusing days, when he finally said to her that he loves her, that she's thinking that this is it and all her work has paid off but only to find out that he was drunk and he didn't mean it. this is for the girl who struggle to feel fine, to make everything okay again. this is for the girl who fell in love with the wrong guy but was brave enough to receive all the hardships.
TTFN. Thinking
Monday, August 24, 2009 @ 7:41 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "she's been hurt many times before this. you'd think it would be a routine by now. you'd think she wouldn't let it get to her. but the truth is, she trusted you." i have no idea if i still like him but i sometimes caught myself reading back all the messages he sent to me including all those comments he posted in my friendster account. i kinda felt sorry for myself only because i let him ruin me. come to think of it, he let me wait for him and then what? he got himself a girlfriend. awesome. just awesome. so what's the point in waiting for him, right? i've given up months ago and why do i still have feelings for him regardless of the things he did to me? i'm just so confused. everything just changed. i'm not a big fan of change. well, bad change that is. so here i am, thinking of what i really feel towards this guy. it must not be love, i can assure myself that. maybe its just a plain infatuation? i don't know. all i want to know is why i still have a thing towards this guy. i just want to not like him anymore and just move on with my life the same way he has moved on with his. all i want is to be numb. to not feel anything and to live my life painlessly. Labels: boy, changes, life, love, numb farewell, my love
Sunday, July 12, 2009 @ 12:31 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "there's never a right time to say goodbye but i gotta make the first move coz if i don't you gonna start hating me coz i really don't feel the way i once felt about you." -Chris Brown why are some people hold on to the things they should really let go? why do they find it very hard to bid goodbye to the ones they love? why can't they just set them free? he told her it's over. she cried and asked him to stay. he said he can't take it any longer and he would be much happier if they end their relationship. she begged him, went down on her knees and tears won't stop falling down her beautiful face. he knelt down, held her tight and kissed her on the forehead. he said he'll give it another shot and she buried her face on his shoulder. he found someone new, he thinks she's better than her. she suspects that he's cheating on her, found a way to prove it and made plans to kick the girl out of the picture. it didn't work. she was crying all night and thinking of ways to save their relationship. he told her again that it's over but she still wouldn't let him go. he was in misery every time he was with her while she was in heaven every moment they were together. she was desperate to get her man back while he was desperate to escape from her arms. she loves him more than anything else in the world. he despises her attitude and every single part of her. it was hard for her to say goodbye to him. he has been saying goodbye since the faithful day he met another girl. she still wants to hold on, to be with him in every possible way. she's chasing him. her dream man, the man she ever love in her 17 years of existence. then she broke down and cried. she couldn't help the fact that he's slipping away. Labels: boy, girl, goodbyes, life, love Walking..
Thursday, May 28, 2009 @ 7:58 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "your destiny is not tied to the people who walked away." i'm proud to say that i'm not waiting for him anymore. i haven't heard from him for almost 4 months. now if he was serious, which i bet he was not, he would actually find time to talk to me. but he didn't. i kinda miss him but i'm too hesitant to let him know that. anyway, time for me to walk away and not wait for if even if he told me to do so. he has a girlfriend, i have a life to live and if he comes home, i will pray hard not to like him again. it's really that simple. i'm still confused on why he's letting me wait for him, though. no one really knows what's going on inside a guy's mind and i don't want to know what. :)) okay, enough about him. the guy that i was talking about in my post "Time Machine: Past", well, we're friends in facebook and his girlfriend and i are friends in facebook and his ex girlfriend and i are friends in facebook, too. and yes, the three of us knows each other. his girlfriend and his ex knows how close we were back then. so, AWKWARD. stalag 14 starts in about 10 days. oh God. Labels: goodbyes, life, love, walking I Love Him Near Enough
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 @ 5:54 PM | 0 Comment [s]
 "find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest." i have no idea on why i kept on posting sad stories about my heart and it's issues. i think it should do me more good if i will post something happy right now. after all, i am happy. :] i met him when i was in second year high school. i have no idea on how we exactly met but all i can remember was that we used to go out drinking together. he has this smile that can actually melt my heart, a face that can surely complete my day, a voice that sounds like a musical harmony when he says my name, eyes that can take my breath away every time he looks at me and a sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh when i needed it the most. then, without notice, he went somewhere else. it took me two years to know where he is right now. after all, i wasn't into him that much back in high school and i don't know why i'm into him this much now that he's gone. the time i saw his new friendster account was the time things started to change. we made fun of each other and laugh at the most dirtiest things. that time was the time he broke up with his girlfriend. i never knew it at that moment since he kept on laughing and smiling (i was viewing his webcam) the entire evening. i then figured out when he said that i made him happy and that i was his dose of happy pills. he told me not to change coz i seem to have a potential to make people happy. gah, i can't even make myself happy. >.> then, things really started to change big time. he want something from me. the thing that i treasure most was the thing that he wants to get. out of the blue, i said yes. i don't even know why i uttered those words but i do have a theory, though. maybe because i like him and i want him to have it since i don't want any guys to have it and i think he's the right one to take it away from me. the promise was made. at first, i thought he was just kidding but then when time passed by, he told me he's serious. so, yeah... i guess i have no choice but to give it to him. after all, i like the guy. ;] 6 days after he officially broke up with his girlfriend, he then found someone new. i was tormented actually but then i realized that long distance relationships never works so i decided to let it go. i thought things between us would change. to my surprise, it didn't. we still talk about things that are beyond our imaginations and end up laughing at them. :) he keep on telling me to wait for him. my question is, is he even worth the wait? hmm. i do hope so. what bothers me is that, he has a girlfriend already and why the hell does he want me to wait for him? that's one answer i'm longing to hear. it's been 5 days now since i last heard of him. and i kinda miss him. also, I DON'T WANNA BE THE EVIL WITCH HE TRIES TO GET IN BETWEEN. i'm actually trying me best to ignore him in all possible ways that i could but he just keeps on springing back. what's happening to me right now is what actually happened to me four years ago. i don't want history to repeat itself nor would i want to experience that terrible pain again. i am just going with the flow. :)) Labels: changes, happiness, life, love First?
Sunday, March 1, 2009 @ 3:16 PM | 2 Comment [s]
 "wish i may, wish i might get your love, get things right maybe you're the one thing that i might never have. God knows when, God knows why maybe now till i die but there's only one thing i am sure for now there was never us somehow." -Lick if you have read this entry, then you would totally understand what i'm talking about. what amazes me the most is how feeling close his girlfriend is to me. i was sitting in the canteen, waiting for my friend to return when someone poked me. i looked behind me and i saw her giggling. she was smiling at me. i awkwardly smiled back. then, after watching a movie with my friend, i decided to go home. i took out my ipod and started listening to it when i saw them walking in front of me. so, i walked fast. i was listening to some really loud music and couldn't hear anything but the music that was playing. i'm a hundred percent sure that he saw me. i didn't mind him at all. it's as if i didn't see him. i was just walking really fast. then my knees started to wobble then i lost sight of them and decided to sit down. i told my friend what happened and she said that he could be my FIRST LOVE. i mean, W T F? him? no, please. anyone but him. but i don't get why my knees will always feel weak every time i saw him. then my heart beats fast and i couldn't think straight. i am very sure that i don't feel anything for him anymore. i have moved on already and it took me a very long time to do it. is he really my first love? i don't know. God, please enlighten me. Labels: answers, boy, crush, love |
Le Narcissist A movie buff, TV series addict, my iPOD is an extension to my tiny Psychology graduate hailed from the queen city of the south. Marked by Suzaku. Literally. TUMBLR'ing, TWITTER'ing, Le Deviant, Le Tumblr'ing Quotes
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