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Melancholy
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 7:35 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow."
-Edgar Allan Poe
Everyone's soaring high up the ground, everyone's leaving their past behind. They envisioned a great perhaps and the future they want to be in. They're living a fruitful life -- a life they've been wanting for for so long. Hands are waving at me goodbye, my smile is fading as I watch them rise. I am at an impasse -- a place I don't want to be and a place I've been trying to get out of for a few times now. I feel defeated, loss and confused. What has been happening to me? What is missing? What is it that they're not seeing in me?
I've been thrown off the cliff of disappointment for a couple of times now. I've managed to get back up despite my failures. I want to run, break free and cut loose. I want to see change. Good change and not just me and my troubled youth. I want to fly, see the world and be someone everyone thought I wouldn't be.
So far, all I see are rocks and dirt -- the same dirt I've been standing on for all my life. I give out a huge sigh for I think I'm going to be stuck here for quite some time. Where is my miracle? Where is my change? Why hasn't someone or something swept me off my feet? Am I not worthy enough to see the skies? Am I not worthy enough to soar up the clouds? Until then, I watch my friends rise. I watch them with hope that I can be with them up in the sky.
TTFN.
Labels: burdens, caged, challenges, change, confused, cross, impasse, melancholy, sadness, trapped Skyscraper
Sunday, June 17, 2012 @ 11:34 PM | 0 Comment [s]
"Do you have to make me feel like
there's nothing left of me?"
-Demi Lovato
I feel imprisoned, caged up and suffocated from the things I did not even do. I am paying the price of someone else's sins and now everything is such a whirlwind.
I wanna fly, escape, let loose and just soar from the blue sky right above me but there are chains on my wrists and as much as I try to break free, responsibility hangs right in front of me. I want to get out of this world that I'm living in because it is slowly driving me insane.
I try to do the right thing but somehow it backfires and now I am sitting in the corner of my room contemplating on why karma is such a bitch to me.
I cry at night, trying to get over of the pain but I can't and more tears are flowing down my face. I want to scoop myself up, tell myself to be strong but every time I try to do so, my knees quiver and I am right back to where I started.
I try to fake a smile, try to wear a mask but I know deep down I am dying a little bit on the inside. Could someone pull me up because it seems that I have fallen farther more than I could have imagined.
...Help me!
TTFN.
Labels: alone, fly, freedom, sadness Dead Girl Walking
Thursday, October 13, 2011 @ 10:03 AM | 0 Comment [s]
"Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart.
Look closely at me and you will see,
the girl I am isn't me."
forced to smile, forced to laugh, forced to be someone i'm not. forced to fly, forced to leap, forced to say words i don't want to speak. forced to remember, forced to forget, forced to run away from something great. forced to sparkle, forced to glow, forced to get to know someone i don't want to know.
i shudder in pain with the thoughts of you. i don't want you here, i don't want to feel -- i don't want to feel happiness nor exhilaration; all i want are rains and thunderstorms -- gloomy days in heaven. you should go, i don't want you here. you should go for you are worthless to me.
i will push, push, push you off the cliff. i will push, push, push you out of my life. you once gave me cherry trees and freshly cut grass now i only have boulders and roses with thorns. i want to be numb and not feel anything. i want to be numb and go through a day, a week, a month, a year without pain.
my butterflies died the moment you crushed my heart. oh how could you do this thing to me? we hugged, we kissed, we were in a bliss; and no longer in the abyss. my heart burns every time i see you around and i thought you were the exception to every boy in town. it seems that i was wrong for you are just like them all along.
TTFN.
Labels: boy, emotions, goodbyes, obstacles, reality, sadness Story of My Life
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 @ 12:33 AM | 0 Comment [s]
 "the girl who seemed unbreakable -- broke. the girl who seemed so strong -- crumbled. the girl who always laughed it off -- cried. and the girl who never stop trying, finally gave up." hurtful words, stabbing knives, broken bones and fractured hopes. no more shall i settle from the mockery you showed. you're supposed to care, to help me carry on but you're doing the opposite and i am finding it hard to move on. acid words, never-ending doubts -- i wish to be free from this place where you imprisoned me to be. i could never understand why you're always pulling me down. with the attitude you showed, i wish not to be around you anymore. i cry at night and never will you know how those insults you gave hurts me to the core. you're far too insensitive to what people might feel. somehow i wish you could see how broken i came to be. regardless of my struggles i tried to stand strong -- try to let people show how invincible i want to become. but really, deep down inside, i am crumbling into pieces with no way of knowing how to escape this madness. never goes a day where i don't feel worthless. i am tired of telling myself that i am someone worth believing. not a minute goes by where i don't contemplate on what you have said and yes, they are just words but i'd rather be physically bruised. no more pain and feelings of helplessness coz i wish for the day to look at the mirror and be happy and contented of what i am seeing. somehow, you always get the worst in me. must so you know that i am not your puppet and this is not a stage. never did i experience freedom never did i experience care. your clutches are too tight that it feels like i'm in jail. too much judgment, too much hate, too much of everything that i could never take. i cover my ears as you abuse me verbally, i grip my chest -- shielding my heart from the pain it will feel. just let me go and understand that i don't want to be a part of your so-called promise land. i want to disappear away from everybody. away from confrontations, lies and pretends. i want to start anew, create a life where i can grow and be the person i once loved and knew. i wipe my tears but they still keep on falling, no longer will i feel useless coz from this moment on, i shall make my skin as thick as a stone. TTFN. Labels: chill., disappointments, hurt, life, people, sadness |
Le Narcissist A movie buff, TV series addict, my iPOD is an extension to my tiny Psychology graduate hailed from the queen city of the south. Marked by Suzaku. Literally. TUMBLR'ing, TWITTER'ing, Le Deviant, Le Tumblr'ing Quotes
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