"I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow."

-Edgar Allan Poe

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Everyone's soaring high up the ground, everyone's leaving their past behind. They envisioned a great perhaps and the future they want to be in. They're living a fruitful life -- a life they've been wanting for for so long. Hands are waving at me goodbye, my smile is fading as I watch them rise. I am at an impasse -- a place I don't want to be and a place I've been trying to get out of for a few times now. I feel defeated, loss and confused. What has been happening to me? What is missing? What is it that they're not seeing in me? 

I've been thrown off the cliff of disappointment for a couple of times now. I've managed to get back up despite my failures. I want to run, break free and cut loose. I want to see change. Good change and not just me and my troubled youth. I want to fly, see the world and be someone everyone thought I wouldn't be.

So far, all I see are rocks and dirt -- the same dirt I've been standing on for all my life. I give out a huge sigh for I think I'm going to be stuck here for quite some time. Where is my miracle? Where is my change? Why hasn't someone or something swept me off my feet? Am I not worthy enough to see the skies? Am I not worthy enough to soar up the clouds? Until then, I watch my friends rise. I watch them with hope that I can be with them up in the sky.

TTFN.

"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."

-Jewish Proverbs

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She makes my heart so heavy, she constantly causes me distress, she knows not of what I'm feeling, she wants to rip my heart out from my chest. Needless to say, she wants me dead -- later and not sooner, that's what she said. She carries so much hate, she made me sustain her cross. Sometimes I question her integrity -- whether she has one or knows what it is. But as of now, I asked nothing of this and the weight of her cross is slowly starting to get to me. 

I am not made of metal nor is my heart made of stone. I pity others especially those who have nothing at all. I've been pushed away and though it is not mine to bear, I've made myself strong enough to withstand every obstacles thrown at me. Apparently, my shoulders are tired and so is my heart; I know she's not grateful because even the blind can see how much she has afflicted me and this family.

I've been shouting at her, pointing at her mistakes but apart from having no eyes, it also seems that she has no ears. She lives in her own world where all she sees are people pulling her down; but like I said, she has no eyes and has been blinded by her misfortunes that she cannot see nor comprehend that the only person hindering her from living the life that she yearns is herself.

The lies that she made, the lies that she said, the lies that I believed are the same lies that destroyed her fate. She blames me and everyone else who doubts her; she thinks she's miserable but no one is to blame but herself since she constantly flushes her life down the drain. No one wants a liar especially someone who lies just to seek for attention. 

In her own little bubble, she believes she's perfect -- too perfect that almost everyone exiles her. Until now she has not realized that she's weaving a very tangled web. She pushes people away and does not even realizes it. She hurts them without a hint of regret. She acts like nothing has happened. In my eyes she's slowly falling down the abyss.

TTFN.