i just realized it now that i started blogging March of 2008. so basically, my blog just turned one year this month. XD 

i used to blog before but never did i stick to one blog. the routine was usually like this:

create blog ---> update blog ---> got bored updating ---> abandon blog

i'm pretty much happy right now since this blog of mine reached a year and hopefully, this will be alive since God knows when. 

also, March 30th is the birthday of my friend and she's celebrating her birthday today. too bad i couldn't come, though. 

i have no idea on why i kept on posting sad stories about my heart and it's issues. i think it should do me more good if i will post something happy right now. after all, i am happy. :]

i met him when i was in second year high school. i have no idea on how we exactly met but all i can remember was that we used to go out drinking together.

he has this smile that can actually melt my heart, a face that can surely complete my day, a voice that sounds like a musical harmony when he says my name, eyes that can take my breath away every time he looks at me and a sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh when i needed it the most. 

then, without notice, he went somewhere else.

it took me two years to know where he is right now. after all, i wasn't into him that much back in high school and i don't know why i'm into him this much now that he's gone. 

the time i saw his new friendster account was the time things started to change. we made fun of each other and laugh at the most dirtiest things. that time was the time he broke up with his girlfriend. i never knew it at that moment since he kept on laughing and smiling (i was viewing his webcam) the entire evening. i then figured out when he said that i made him happy and that i was his dose of happy pills. he told me not to change coz i seem to have a potential to make people happy. gah, i can't even make myself happy. >.>

then, things really started to change big time.

he want something from me. the thing that i treasure most was the thing that he wants to get. out of the blue, i said yes. i don't even know why i uttered those words but i do have a theory, though. maybe because i like him and i want him to have it since i don't want any guys to have it and i think he's the right one to take it away from me. 

the promise was made. 

at first, i thought he was just kidding but then when time passed by, he told me he's serious. so, yeah... i guess i have no choice but to give it to him. after all, i like the guy. ;]

6 days after he officially broke up with his girlfriend, he then found someone new. i was tormented actually but then i realized that long distance relationships never works so i decided to let it go. i thought things between us would change. to my surprise, it didn't. we still talk about things that are beyond our imaginations and end up laughing at them. :)

he keep on telling me to wait for him. my question is, is he even worth the wait? hmm. i do hope so. what bothers me is that, he has a girlfriend already and why the hell does he want me to wait for him? that's one answer i'm longing to hear.

it's been 5 days now since i last heard of him. and i kinda miss him.

also, I DON'T WANNA BE THE EVIL WITCH HE TRIES TO GET IN BETWEEN. i'm actually trying me best to ignore him in all possible ways that i could but he just keeps on springing back. 

what's happening to me right now is what actually happened to me four years ago. i don't want history to repeat itself nor would i want to experience that terrible pain again. i am just going with the flow. :))

i have been thinking about my future since God knows when. at first, i wanted to be a doctor then when i learned it will take me forever to become one, i decided to become a nun. yes, a nun. :)) but then my sister told my that a nun's life is pretty much boring so i decided to cross that out on my list. then, when i reached college, i wanted to become a doctor again. right now i'm still having troubles whether i should take medicine or not. i also wanted to be a lawyer but i don't really see myself as one. so, lowering my expectations, i decided that i wanted to be a special education teacher (a teacher to those who are mentally ill) and teach abroad. out of the blue, i was hit! i now know what i wanted to become.

i want to become a SEX THERAPIST someday.

i think it's a pretty cool job. dealing with people who has sex problems and whatnot will surely make my day as entertaining as ever. ;)

my course has a very huge impact on me. i may whine a lot of not getting enough sleep and having to write all these papers but don't get me wrong, i may sound like i hate my course but i do so love it very much. <3

i don't wanna talk or state here that i will be a very good student next school year because i have been saying that line since i was in elementary and up until now, i just can't be one. i do have good grades, though but i'm the kind of student who slacks off a lot. i can say that i'm a student but not a very good one. ;)

maybe i will become a sex therapist someday. this would be the job that suites me. teehee. ;)

if you have read this entry, then you would totally understand what i'm talking about.

what amazes me the most is how feeling close his girlfriend is to me. i was sitting in the canteen, waiting for my friend to return when someone poked me. i looked behind me and i saw her giggling. she was smiling at me. i awkwardly smiled back. 

then, after watching a movie with my friend, i decided to go home. i took out my ipod and started listening to it when i saw them walking in front of me. so, i walked fast. i was listening to some really loud music and couldn't hear anything but the music that was playing. i'm a hundred percent sure that he saw me. i didn't mind him at all. it's as if i didn't see him. i was just walking really fast. then my knees started to wobble then i lost sight of them and decided to sit down.

i told my friend what happened and she said that he could be my FIRST LOVE.

i mean, W T F? him? no, please. anyone but him.

but i don't get why my knees will always feel weak every time i saw him. then my heart beats fast and i couldn't think straight. 

i am very sure that i don't feel anything for him anymore. i have moved on already and it took me a very long time to do it. 

is he really my first love? i don't know. 

God, please enlighten me.