//Forever Imperfect

A Temporary Goodbye

Tuesday, July 31, 2012 @ 11:58 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone

can start today and make a new ending."

-Maria Robinson

"I'll see you later" is what she meant. Tears fell from her eyes as she held her dearest in her arms. She held her tight, wanting not to let go. She held her tight with the fear of not being able to see her again. I looked at her as my heart's starting to clench. I turned around as the scene was slowly hurting me. How could she do this? How could she leave her dearest be? I see a hint of regret but I think this is for the best.

She was acting out of the ordinary as days unfold. I tried to decipher her but in my dismay, her code is hard to break. I watch her be as she lives her life with so much darkness, waiting for a single mistake a person can make. I shook my head as I watch her slip from the edges with a fear of not knowing who or what could save her from this mess.

Many people were hurt by her actions as she tries to act as the puppet master, controlling everyone she knows with her lies and sweet nothings. She got what she want out of fear, she was able to manipulate the situation any way she wants them to be. I was in awe as I watch her work, amazed on how she was able to pulled their stings.

She was given anything she wants even the things she need not asking. People around her were on their toes hoping that all hell won't break loose. Many tears were shed and hearts were shattered, relationships are broken and is far from being mend as she tries to satisfy her hunger of seeing people in torture.

Now her tyrant days are over as people inhaled a breath of fresh air -- something no one was able to for so long. She was asking for banishment and banishment was given. The consequences of her actions were laid out before her. With so much at stake, including not having a house to live and not being able to see her dearest, banishment is what she chose; though it was pretty obvious she was hoping the people she oppressed would come to her aid. She bowed down in embarrassment as she looked around and no one, not even a single soul would want her to stay.

Thanks to her I was able to realize what I should and should not do with my life. I was enlightened as she handed me this knowledge. Though I said it was for the best that she left; I too am was hurt but then I remember the pain she has caused me and now it makes me think twice if I really do pity her or not.

TTFN.

Labels: changes, family, goodbyes, life, problems

Thorn in My Side

Saturday, July 7, 2012 @ 2:05 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."

-Jewish Proverbs

She makes my heart so heavy, she constantly causes me distress, she knows not of what I'm feeling, she wants to rip my heart out from my chest. Needless to say, she wants me dead -- later and not sooner, that's what she said. She carries so much hate, she made me sustain her cross. Sometimes I question her integrity -- whether she has one or knows what it is. But as of now, I asked nothing of this and the weight of her cross is slowly starting to get to me.

I am not made of metal nor is my heart made of stone. I pity others especially those who have nothing at all. I've been pushed away and though it is not mine to bear, I've made myself strong enough to withstand every obstacles thrown at me. Apparently, my shoulders are tired and so is my heart; I know she's not grateful because even the blind can see how much she has afflicted me and this family.

I've been shouting at her, pointing at her mistakes but apart from having no eyes, it also seems that she has no ears. She lives in her own world where all she sees are people pulling her down; but like I said, she has no eyes and has been blinded by her misfortunes that she cannot see nor comprehend that the only person hindering her from living the life that she yearns is herself.

The lies that she made, the lies that she said, the lies that I believed are the same lies that destroyed her fate. She blames me and everyone else who doubts her; she thinks she's miserable but no one is to blame but herself since she constantly flushes her life down the drain. No one wants a liar especially someone who lies just to seek for attention.

In her own little bubble, she believes she's perfect -- too perfect that almost everyone exiles her. Until now she has not realized that she's weaving a very tangled web. She pushes people away and does not even realizes it. She hurts them without a hint of regret. She acts like nothing has happened. In my eyes she's slowly falling down the abyss.

TTFN.

Labels: burdens, cross, family, life, siblings, sorrow

stressed spelled backwards isn't desserts.

Monday, April 5, 2010 @ 9:14 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"nobody pays attention, unless you make a fatal mistake."

second semester was very crucial for me. it was that time i was severely bombarded with major requirements. it was that time i literally broke down because i was so stressed (no thanks to my unhelpful group mates) and it was that moment i felt like i'm carrying a huge metal ball on my back -- the one that's used for destroying a building.

you may think or say that i'm exaggerating but i'm not. i wasn't like this before. i used to care less of getting high grades. all i was aiming for was to pass but that doesn't seem to satisfy me anymore. weird as it may seem but i really have to thank my teacher for changing me -- making me a hard working student. i felt really good that day when she said that i've changed for the better. a 360 degrees change. imagine that. even i could feel the impact of her requirements on me. i could feel how good it did for me that she made me push myself even harder than i did before. i was extremely happy that she saw my effort. i was happy that at least someone did.

unfortunately, my parents didn't.

this day was supposed to be my crucifixion day. i was going to die today -- or at least try to kill myself.

i got my grades today and i was jumping for joy. my midterm grades were high (except for physics). before the teachers released the midterm grades, i was assuming (or underestimating myself) that i'd fail all my subjects but i didn't. i was so happy of the outcome of my effort that i tried even harder to increase my grades for finals which it did. my grade in physics jumped from 3.7 to 2.8. it was mind blowing. and i was at bliss even more when i saw all my grades in my major subjects increased so much. at that moment i couldn't stop smiling. i was so proud of myself and how my hard work paid so much.

i gave my grades to my mom and she said, "good."

seriously. GOOD?! more than good, it's GREAT.

she just doesn't see how hard i try to get good grades. all she does was nag me on how much i use the computer and how much i whine to get my own freaking laptop. every godforsaken paper i pass should be typewritten. i don't own a library so i could do my research in my house and i can't just spare my studies and let other people use the computer so that they could play Farmville and whatnot. i have my studies to worry about.

i don't like to sound like a complaining bitch even though i am but how my mother nags me about hogging the computer is so unreasonable. it's not like i'm having the time of my life playing online games. no, i work hard and by working hard, i mean frying my brain and drying my eyes so that i could actually give her much better grades than what she expected me to give her. somehow, i want to drill in her skull how hard my course is. she couldn't understand that. that's why i want a laptop -- so that no one could interrupt me while i'm doing my work. so that she could not tell me, "can you let me use the computer? I STILL HAVE TO HARVEST." good Lord.

TTFN.

Labels: family, life, school, stress

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