xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

title: I'm Only Human. We All Are.
date: Thursday, January 14, 2010
time:10:37 PM

"strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound

and ho raindrops look like tears without pain."

some hater of mine read my blog. this blog. she then posted in the chatbox of the other blog that i'm contributing and said that i'm "heart broken."

well, i will surely look like a total hypocrite fool if i will deny that. of course, i am heart broken. i guess almost everyone has been heart broken. and guess what? i'm proud that i have experienced heartaches. it's tough going through that stage especially at a very young age.

you may hate me because of the things i do but what i can't ponder is that why people make it such a big deal that someone is "heartbroken." those experiences made me strong, gave me a lot of lessons and made me realize a lot of things that i shouldn't have and should have done.

heartaches. they're just part of the cycle. we are only human and we are capable of feeling pain.

i'm lucky enough to experience love, to love and be loved in return. i'm lucky to be heart broken and i'm lucky to go through that phase without being too bitter about it.

if you haven't experience heartache, your time will come soon and you can't even describe how bad it feels. take it from someone who knows. :)

happy new year everyone.

TTFN.

Labels: blog, heartaches, life, love

comment? / top

title: it was real. everything of it was real.
date: Thursday, December 24, 2009
time:2:00 PM

"Love was always the thing that did that-

smashed into you, left you raw. the deeper you loved,

the deeper it hurt."

aren't you tired of hurting me, leaving me behind every memories we have created, throwing me around like a piece of junk?

don't you feel guilty of making me feel this way, making me worried about you, when in fact, you don't even care for me at all?

isn't it enough? the care, affection, love and attention i have given you for the past few years? do you want more? do you want me to stop? how could i know what to do when you don't even talk to me anymore.

didn't you receive the signals i have given you? i love you, did you felt that? i care for you, did you even see that? i long for you, for your touch, your kisses and your hug, did you know that?

why me? above all girls that you met, why must i suffer from this tragic love story?

do you feel tired at all? i'm exhausted. i'm tired of this shit. please help me let you go. i want you out of my life. i want to be free. to be free from you, from everything.

TTFN.

Labels: boy, confusion, girl, life, love, questions

comment? / top

title: 5 years isn't enough
date: Wednesday, December 9, 2009
time:8:47 PM

"no love is bigger than the one which is given away

---torn apart and yet it still remains."

i don't think it's healthy for me to still ~~love~~ like him this way. it has been 5 years now and i'm still hurting. all those things that he said to me, all those beautiful memories we shared together and all those moments where everything seemed so perfect are now lost in a place where i can't even determine if it was real or not.

it's sad on how we allowed people and time to drift us apart from each other. every thing's a blur now. a vague reality, an unescapable past, a tormenting present and a surreal future.

i wish he could've just given me the heads up that he was leaving for good.

after all those years of my unsaid feelings for him, i finally decided to tell him i ~~love~~ like him. he didn't know it was me but it took me a lot of courage to finally blurt that out. it was hard yet it felt really good.

he was my friend, my shoulder to lean on, my strength. and now he is my pain, my suffering and my hurtful past that keeps on haunting my present.

TTFN.

Labels: boy, life, love, pain, past

comment? / top

title: Going Down Memory Lane
date: Saturday, October 31, 2009
time:2:05 PM

"it's not those who are there when you need them.

it's who has been there the entire time."

i never really thought it would end up this way. we used to talk about everything. about love, school crushes, problems, happy memories and even sad ones. we used to lean on to each other when someone is in trouble... we used to be so perfect.

i guess things change and i can't force all of you to stay.

it is sad seeing 4 years of our friendship gone down the drain. it's sad how we used to tell each other that we'll stick together no matter where we go to, whom we hang out with and what will happen -- may it be good or bad.

we were in it for the long haul. i guess not.

how come i am here and you are there? i don't get it. whatever happened to "no one should be left behind?" it makes me feel sad that you didn't talk to me. that you didn't give me a chance to tell my side of the story. it is sad that you just listened to her because she's the one you're always hanging out with. unfair, isn't it?

it is painful on my part on seeing how strong your friendship grew. didn't you remember everything we have gone through? the laugh trips, the spontaneous adventures, the crazy ideas we came up with?

i guess for me, high school is over. i could never bring back what happened. everything changed when i decided to post what i felt in my multiply account. why can't you see that i'm hurting? i'm trying my best to be happy and to forget everything but i failed... so bad.

i miss you. all of you.

sometimes i just wish i haven't met you so that it won't hurt this bad.

TTFN.

Labels: friends, friendship, high school, life, pain, past

comment? / top

title: Am I Really Living ...or Dying?
date: Saturday, October 17, 2009
time:7:24 PM

"to me, the glass is half-empty somedays and half-full on others.

sometimes it's bone-dry . or overflowing."

-Mary Alice Monroe

what really is life? are you living it?

life isn't about finding someone, making that person love you and show them off to your friends. it isn't about being successful just to get revenge, to make people envy you of what you have and what they didn't.

life is not just another cliche.

life isn't glamorous. it's not like what those shallow-headed people in the industries think. it's not about getting what you want because you want it, when other people needs it the most. life is not about being pampered and being look up to people who obviously doesn't have a clue. it's not about manipulating people, devising an evil plan and ruling the world.

life is not about getting all the money, the girls, the boys, the properties, the pride and the dignity of the people. it is not about fooling them, luring them into a maze they obviously can't escape.

what is it exactly?

it's about being contented of what you have and be happy about it. it's about being proud of who you are by making people see that happiness isn't just about material things.

life is about helping people because you want to and not just because you have to. life is about love. love for your friends, your family, your country and yourself.

it is about needing something and working hard to get it.

we only have one shot to actually live our life.

TTFN.

Labels: choices, death, life

comment? / top

title: Unrequited Love
date: Friday, September 11, 2009
time:7:39 PM

"forgive, sounds good. forget, i'm not sure i could.

they say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting."

here's to the girl who made him her first priority. the one who never failed to text him everyday only to check her phone every hour and receive nothing but disappointment.

the one who manages to fix her hair every morning hoping to get a glance from him. the one who provides nothing but comfort, love and affection. the one who gives a huge deal about him touching, staring or even talking to her because maybe she's thinking she'll never get him to do that to her once again. the one who tries her best to get him to notice her that she'll even try to laugh out loud when she passes by him.

this is for the girl who has been there the moment he asked her for help but receive no help from him when she needed him most. this is for the girl who listens to sad music every night, wishing that she can tell him what's really going on inside her heart and mind.

here's to the one who believed everything that he said. that he promised her he'll be waiting for her till the end only to find out that he already got himself a girlfriend after a month that he said that to her.

this one is for the girl who gave him a huge amount of clues only to see him chasing a girl who puts too much make-up on. here's to the girl who never left his side, who was led on the moment it started, who believed that everything he said and did to her was more than just a friendly kind of love but it was never true love to begin with.

this is for the girl who knew it was over before it began but she decided to continue it anyway because she's hoping he would eventually fall in love with her. here's to the girl who allowed the guy to fool her, to let her feel special only to hear him say, "it was a mistake."

the one who never believed what people said to her, that she deserve something better and that she should stop all her madness.

this is for the girl who love him more than anything else in the world. the one who who managed to held on to something that was never there to begin with.

this is for those confusing days, when he finally said to her that he loves her, that she's thinking that this is it and all her work has paid off but only to find out that he was drunk and he didn't mean it.

this is for the girl who struggle to feel fine, to make everything okay again.

this is for the girl who fell in love with the wrong guy but was brave enough to receive all the hardships.

TTFN.

Labels: boy, girl, life, love

comment? / top

title: THEM HATERS.
date: Saturday, September 5, 2009
time:12:54 PM

"my name must taste good

coz it's always in somebody else's mouth."

you might think i'm a coward coz i don't speak up and hear you out. you might think you're winning coz i ignore the shit out of you. well, you are so wrong. i banned you for i don't want you whoring my chatbox with your nonsensical post. if i troll your account and post spam messages on your profile, i think you will do what i did to you. but alas, i don't know who you are and that's what makes you so strong that you can just bash me anytime you want. but this time, you have gone to far.

the way you bashed me in TGPHsucks and in my chatbox, i just let it slide for i know i will get nothing from you except those nasty words coming out from your mouth. yes, i cuss too but not in the same way that you do. i won't tell you to stop coz i know how a hater's brain works. and i won't come to a point where i have to beg you to stop what you're doing either. i am not that kind of a person.

you hate me because of what i do. a lot of people find TGPHsucks a nasty blog indeed but you can't stop me from contributing to that blog and i can't stop you from whoring my profile. so yeah, go whore it all you want. at least i get a lot of page views. ;]

i can't stop you from calling me names (IIRC, you called me a nigger) and saying that i'm a coward coz i don't face you. well then, this blog entry is for YOU. i'm hearing you out alright. you have the spotlight. now start whoring it as much as you want.

go bash me all you want coz i would love to have a battle of wits with you but you appear to be unarmed. now go and gather all the weapons you have. you need them.

i think you won't have all that courage build up inside you if you're not hiding from that fugly UN of yours. i know you won't reveal your identity coz you know i would bring you down if you will tell me who you are. make sure you won't get busted coz if you do, then oho for me and boo-hoo for you, my friend.

you know who you are. gotta love the spotlight, yeah?

TTFN.

Labels: haters, internet, life

comment? / top