//Forever Imperfect
Fly, Butterfly

Thursday, December 22, 2016 @ 8:16 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"It's better to die fighting for freedom
than to live life in chains."
x

There are times in your life where you say to yourself, "oh fuck it. fuck this shit." There are times when you are dead tired that all you wanna do is sleep all day and not give a rat's ass on people. There are days where you wanna throw a fit, break dishes, get drunk, or high - whatever. These are the days where you just wanna leave. Leave everything behind, every person, and live the life you've always dreamed of having. These are also the days where you want to just cry yourself to sleep until no more tears come out, cry until the world is ending, cry until you're okay and you get yourself out of bed, bottle those emotions up, and face the the world with a much stiffer upper lip. 

I am tired. Yes, I've been saying that for a long time but hell, I'm tired. I'm tired of this shit ass life, tired of bearing someone else's responsibilities, tired of being scared. I am tired of not living my dream because some people are inconsiderate enough to pass their burdens on to me. Let me, just for once be the person who I always aspire to be. Let me spread my wings, let me learn from my mistake - not someone else's. Let me have a life of my own. A life where I have to deal with my own consequences, my regrets, my passion, my love for all things beautiful. Let. Me. Live.

I feel like I've been gasping for air for God knows how long. It's so suffocating here that somehow might cause me anxiety. I've been wanting to run away for so long. But why didn't I, though? I should've run a long time ago. I'm all out of tears, all out of strength. I've been coursing through this life like it's on autopilot. I let people control me, I let my emotions control me. I was so scared of change but now I'm craving for it. I'm craving for a new life, a new me, a new place to explore and get lost to. I just want out.

Now I'm not waiting on shit. Next year I'm going to make shit happen. No more doubts, no more cowardice, no more holding myself back. Next year I'm going to fly, just you wait and see.


TTFN.


PS: Thanks for still viewing this blog even though I rarely update it now. Sorry for the constant whining. I have no one else to talk to. :( 

In A Perfect World

Monday, November 23, 2015 @ 10:07 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"You are free to do whatever you want,
but you should always take responsibility
for the consequences of your choices in life."
x

Sometimes I wonder why I was given this life. I did not ask for any of this. I did not ask to shoulder such a heavy burden that most of the time I can't even bear. A tiring task, a feat hard to accomplish. Everyday is a struggle, everyday a challenge, everyday is a heartache. 

Life always has a way to knock someone down, to throw things off, to beat someone up. Each morning I get up with a heavy heart and each morning I face it with a stiff upper lip. Sometimes, there are days that are good -- days where I can actually cherish and say to myself, "yep, I can do this." But those days are rare. 

Since that grievous mistake, I'm the one picking up the slack, the one who is living the life that someone else should actually be living. I've been carrying this heavy load that I can't shake off. I am tired. The hell I'm tired.

Nights do come by where I cry myself to sleep. Most of the time I contemplate and ask myself, "why me? I didn't do shit." This shouldn't be my life -- this shouldn't be my burden to bear. 

But it is. Unfair as it may be, it is now my life, my burden, my cross. 




TTFN.

Anchors Away!

Tuesday, October 6, 2015 @ 8:05 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world
are the ones that do."
-Steve Jobs
x

Everyday I walked among the people in this boring and desolate place. Everyday I strive to achieve something great, shake things up, make life interesting and less grey. Everyday I hope to see a change in me and a change in scenery. Everyday...

I have been in this barren land for some time now. All I see are dead trees with no sign of life other than myself. I wake up feeling hopeless most of the time.I have given up on life. I have given up on me.

But life is nothing without its miracles. In an arid place such as this one, a seedling grows, a flower blooms, and the grass are starting to get greener. Rain falls from the sky. Life starts anew again as the sun makes way for the rain clouds to give hope in this dismal place.

Gone are the days of torture. No more droughts, and sand storms. This place of such emptiness gives life once more. And with life comes people, and with people comes dreams worth chasing. 

We were all too scared, to hopeless but with a little glitter of desire, nothing in this life is impossible.



PS:

The past year has been such a whirlwind! Thanks to all those people who still visits my blog even though it hasn't been updated in a year. :) I'm still trying to get my mojo back and my life on track. I quit my job and started my own business of which I'm hoping would help me get back on my feet. With all this free time, I'm reading books again though no where near my reading frenzy 2 years ago. Baby steps. :)


TTFN. 





I Long for the Days of the Sun

Sunday, March 9, 2014 @ 3:44 AM | 0 Comment [s]

"There are two ways to get enough: one is to accumulate more and the other is to desire less."
x

What is happiness? What is love? What is it that we want?
What is contentment? What is freedom? Are we pushed to do this or what?

I walk among the people with the hopes of becoming someone memorable. I walk among them because I don't know where to go, lost in the sea of people who are one of the same. Same drive, same motivations but different desires -- freedom and passion.

Shall I cross the paths that they have crossed or find another way to go? Is the dark and narrower road more worthy of risking everything than a desirable one showered with flowers and brightened up by the rays of the sun? Is dropping everything for the sake of my own happiness worth it at all? Does not thinking of other people really doesn't matter? Or is it just me that I shall think about?

Am I happy? Am I contended? Is this what I want or something more? Is chasing my dreams worth it just to become someone I always hoped to be? Or have I given up with the thoughts of never achieving anything?

I long for the days of the sun, for the tress swaying and for the wind cool enough to give me a sigh of relief that everything went well -- that I am happy.

But as of now, I must endure this road -- one that I must take to help me realize what I want and what I hope to be.



TTFN.

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Here Comes The Sun

Wednesday, January 1, 2014 @ 2:56 AM | 0 Comment [s]

"I'm not giving up. I'm just starting over."
x

Another page turned, another chapter closed. A new book opened, a different story begins. Life is a cycle of beginnings and endings and as a year comes to a close and a new one starts afresh, new memories are made and new hopes are born. Nothing is ever as uplifting as finishing a story or starting anew. That's the way it is and that's the way it should be. Rain may fall but the sun rises again, leaving a trail of beautiful colors at its wake.

A breath of fresh air welcomes a new season and as the sun sets and as the moon rises east, stars emerge and the cold wind blows and everything is beautiful yet again.

The world is beautiful so is Earth and life itself. Everyone gets hyped up for a new chapter. Maybe not a clean slate but with a messy past comes in a sanguine future. Happiness may not come in what you expect it would be but it will come and it might surprise you how wonderful life would be if everyone would be more carefree. 



PS: Happy new year, everyone. I'm glad some people are still visiting my blog even though I rarely update it now. I won't make any promises to post as often as I should be since I don't want to force myself into writing something I don't/didn't even feel. But I'll be here lurking. :)



TTFN.

Troubled Waters

Saturday, July 13, 2013 @ 10:16 AM | 0 Comment [s]

"She was drowning but nobody saw her struggle."
x

There once was a girl who wants to see the world but her shackles are holding her back, preventing her to do so. There once was a girl who felt to alone, hoping to meet new friends but her cage is holding her back, preventing her from doing so. There once was a girl trapped in a cage, with shackles on both her wrists and feet and she was drowning in the sea.

She was gasping for air, crying out for help but no one heard her, and so no one came. She tried to open the cage door, trying to kick it with all her might, but her shackles are too heavy, making her weary and tired. She tried shouting again, and then someone came but all that person did was watch her drown in pain. She cried, struggled and was out of breath but she kept on shouting, hoping to be saved. 

She inhaled her last lungful of air and she went down in the water along with her shackles and her cage. She looked at the surface and saw the light hitting the water. Bubbles of air are coming out from her mouth, her lungs felt heavy as she struggled not to sleep. She still tried to get away with just a little bit of hope flickering in her eyes. 

And then that was it: she was gone. She left her miserable life behind and all I can do now is hope for her to be happy up in the clouds where she belongs.

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Melancholy

Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 7:35 PM | 0 Comment [s]

"I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow."
-Edgar Allan Poe
x

Everyone's soaring high up the ground, everyone's leaving their past behind. They envisioned a great perhaps and the future they want to be in. They're living a fruitful life -- a life they've been wanting for for so long. Hands are waving at me goodbye, my smile is fading as I watch them rise. I am at an impasse -- a place I don't want to be and a place I've been trying to get out of for a few times now. I feel defeated, loss and confused. What has been happening to me? What is missing? What is it that they're not seeing in me? 

I've been thrown off the cliff of disappointment for a couple of times now. I've managed to get back up despite my failures. I want to run, break free and cut loose. I want to see change. Good change and not just me and my troubled youth. I want to fly, see the world and be someone everyone thought I wouldn't be.

So far, all I see are rocks and dirt -- the same dirt I've been standing on for all my life. I give out a huge sigh for I think I'm going to be stuck here for quite some time. Where is my miracle? Where is my change? Why hasn't someone or something swept me off my feet? Am I not worthy enough to see the skies? Am I not worthy enough to soar up the clouds? Until then, I watch my friends rise. I watch them with hope that I can be with them up in the sky.


TTFN.

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