"dealing with backstabbers, one thing I learned,

-Eminem

people staring at me, whispering words i can't hear. then, someone i used to know approached me and hit me hard. it was painful, something i can't bear. the pain caused me to bend down my knees. i was bleeding -- not just from the outside but on the inside, too. i never thought it would hurt this way. one single knife turned out to be ten thousand knives pierced inside of me. there was heavy bleeding. i watched the blood flow out of my system and down on the floor. i wanted to touch it but it was too late.

badly bruised, i continue living my life. i build up walls and i shut down doors to keep people from my past away from me. i wanted a new beginning, a new slate and as much as i try to do this, the memories of my past haunts me. it was easy to imagine myself forgetting it but i was struggling halfway through it.

no one ever helped me or asked me if i was in need of assistance. i was unaccompanied throughout the journey and it was that moment i knew who and what to trust, to depend on and share my life with. it was that moment i realized that i was strong enough to walk away from something so dark and cruel.

i was alone, heck i was. and in those days where everybody left me in abandonment, i saw the world and found out different strategies on how to survive the trails i was about to face. nothing but hope, strength and dignity, i went out from my isolation cell and welcomed the world with a smile. i was afraid because nobody really likes to be betrayed especially from those people whom you spend most of your teenage life with. it was hard but i kept going on.

with nothing to lose and whole lot to fear, i came in strong and willful. people didn't know i was shattered. i never did have any reason on picking up the pieces of my broken self. i managed to make a new one, a re-invention. i locked away every bad memory that hurts me and open a new trove to place in memories i want to keep. somehow, i was happy. i may not have enough people to support me but what's important is that i met people and those people i met while i was re-programming myself made me realize that it is better to let go of my sad past and stay in the present.

i lost people in my way of finding myself but at least, i didn't lose me.


TTFN.