-Andre Aciman

why does it feel like this isn't new to me anymore? being left behind has been the story of my life. it's like the plot of a book or a movie or even a TV Series. the people who caused me pain and left me behind? those were the villains.

i'm getting used to be "the second choice." it seems like it doesn't really matter to me anymore. i wouldn't be shocked if this will happen again. i'm starting to feel the numbness already. it's starting to sink in --- slowly.

look closely into my eyes. it shows sadness, despair, misery, suffering and whatnot. i'm not all smiles. issues defines my life.

suddenly i feel worthless. it's a horrible feeling to deal with. it makes me think that i'm not capable of being in this world and be with people. now i'm having a hard time trusting anyone. with these experiences, it's giving me a very difficult time to have emotional attachment to people that surrounds me.

how can i be able to give a part of me to someone without having to worry of being abandoned?

we all get tired. it's getting old, actually. i want new experiences. new emotions to deal with. new people to hurt me --- or make me happy.

abandonment. i'm used to it already.