second semester was very crucial for me. it was that time i was severely bombarded with major requirements. it was that time i literally broke down because i was so stressed (no thanks to my unhelpful group mates) and it was that moment i felt like i'm carrying a huge metal ball on my back -- the one that's used for destroying a building.

you may think or say that i'm exaggerating but i'm not. i wasn't like this before. i used to care less of getting high grades. all i was aiming for was to pass but that doesn't seem to satisfy me anymore. weird as it may seem but i really have to thank my teacher for changing me -- making me a hard working student. i felt really good that day when she said that i've changed for the better. a 360 degrees change. imagine that. even i could feel the impact of her requirements on me. i could feel how good it did for me that she made me push myself even harder than i did before. i was extremely happy that she saw my effort. i was happy that at least someone did.

unfortunately, my parents didn't.

this day was supposed to be my crucifixion day. i was going to die today -- or at least try to kill myself.

i got my grades today and i was jumping for joy. my midterm grades were high (except for physics). before the teachers released the midterm grades, i was assuming (or underestimating myself) that i'd fail all my subjects but i didn't. i was so happy of the outcome of my effort that i tried even harder to increase my grades for finals which it did. my grade in physics jumped from 3.7 to 2.8. it was mind blowing. and i was at bliss even more when i saw all my grades in my major subjects increased so much. at that moment i couldn't stop smiling. i was so proud of myself and how my hard work paid so much.

i gave my grades to my mom and she said, "good."

seriously. GOOD?! more than good, it's GREAT.

she just doesn't see how hard i try to get good grades. all she does was nag me on how much i use the computer and how much i whine to get my own freaking laptop. every godforsaken paper i pass should be typewritten. i don't own a library so i could do my research in my house and i can't just spare my studies and let other people use the computer so that they could play Farmville and whatnot. i have my studies to worry about.

i don't like to sound like a complaining bitch even though i am but how my mother nags me about hogging the computer is so unreasonable. it's not like i'm having the time of my life playing online games. no, i work hard and by working hard, i mean frying my brain and drying my eyes so that i could actually give her much better grades than what she expected me to give her. somehow, i want to drill in her skull how hard my course is. she couldn't understand that. that's why i want a laptop -- so that no one could interrupt me while i'm doing my work. so that she could not tell me, "can you let me use the computer? I STILL HAVE TO HARVEST." good Lord.

TTFN.