"Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart.

Look closely at me and you will see,

the girl I am isn't me."

x

forced to smile, forced to laugh, forced to be someone i'm not. forced to fly, forced to leap, forced to say words i don't want to speak. forced to remember, forced to forget, forced to run away from something great. forced to sparkle, forced to glow, forced to get to know someone i don't want to know. 

i shudder in pain with the thoughts of you. i don't want you here, i don't want to feel -- i don't want to feel happiness nor exhilaration; all i want are rains and thunderstorms -- gloomy days in heaven. you should go, i don't want you here. you should go for you are worthless to me.

i will push, push, push you off the cliff. i will push, push, push you out of my life. you once gave me cherry trees and freshly cut grass now i only have boulders and roses with thorns. i want to be numb and not feel anything. i want to be numb and go through a day, a week, a month, a year without pain.

my butterflies died the moment you crushed my heart. oh how could you do this thing to me? we hugged, we kissed, we were in a bliss; and no longer in the abyss. my heart burns every time i see you around and i thought you were the exception to every boy in town. it seems that i was wrong for you are just like them all along.

TTFN.