-Gregory Maguire, Wicked

a part of me died inside. a part of me that kept me whole and alive. it was that part of me where everything in life is worth living and it was that part of me where i knew how to feel deeply -- to sympathize and love, to comfort and to see the world in a humantistic perspective.

now that it is gone, everything else went dark. i see people dying all the time and the world seems to be a very cruel place to live. everyone is killing one another, people cursing and stabbing knives at each others' backs. it was a painful sight to see and yet very inevitable to change.

i used to be more than invisible but now i am transparent. people see and pass through me and because of this, frustration over powers me. i could not do anything to stop this madness. i was nothing more but a ghostly figure lurking in the shadows of this barbaric world.

for a moment, i thought it was a dream, an excuse i want myself to believe so that i can escape the madness that has been happening but i know for once that it is not true but still a part of me wants to believe it is.

on a crossroad where i found myself standing, an image of another human emerged from a distance. could she see me? hear me? or maybe help me? as she was close enough, she stared at me from head to toe and then she looked at me with pure sincerity, as if she was asking for forgiveness. i was confused but then she took my hand and we started walking.

i never knew where she was taking me. still holding my hand, i was silent throughout the entire journey. and then it hit me -- she's trying to help me put out my misery. she was reaping me and from that moment on, i knew what was happening and what is going to happen. from that moment on, i knew where we're headed -- in a place where she considers a paradise and in a place where i consider a nightmare.

TTFN.