life has been pretty much cruel to me lately. i have come to realize that i had stumbled a lot of times but i eventually managed to get up.

everything around me has changed. for the good or for the worst, i don't care. i never liked change but it is inevitable.

***

i've been feeling so helpless lately. the guy i like has been giving me a very hard time these days. he became bitter and he started to disdain my feelings. i felt kinda bad but also relieved because i prevented myself from liking him more. things could've gotten worst if i didn't have self control. human as i am, i am very uncapable of controling my emotions which kinda saddens me because as much as i want to keep quite, i eventually blurt things out and make him feel awful of the things he did to me. yes, i can be a bitter person if the situation demands it. i can be sweet, too. :))

***

great happiness is what i have been searching for the past few years. in my 18 years of existence, i have never felt or expereinced great happiness. only happiness. there is a huge difference of those two, by the way. but, one said that no one can experience great happiness but i'll show them that a person can. soon. when life is not cruel to me anymore.

***

i can say that i am a strong person but i'm still human and i'm not superman or any superhero out there. even superheroes needs help sometimes. that's why SIDEKICKS exist.

***

but no, i don't need one of those. i don't need a sidekick to help me face the war. i actually need a hero who has experienced what i have been going through. one who can relate to me in every aspects in life. someone who sympathizes with me in times of trouble and gives me words of wisdom to keep me motivated.

***

sidekicks doesn't do all of those. they only kick butts when the hero is weak and has fallen down.

my hero might only exist in my fantasy but as long as he's within me, i guess i can survive life on my own. i'll just wait for him to arrive. maybe he's still on the other side of the world helping a person in need or maybe he got caught in traffic. who knows? maybe one day he might be knocking on my door step to save me from the clutches of evil called life.

***

for now, maybe i'll just settle for something less. :))