what can i say about the guy i met when i was 16?

that i love the way he laughs at me when i commit mistakes, the way he fusses over silly things and the way he tries to piss me off just to get my attention? somehow, i wished i told that i love him but now, there's no hope in doing so. for now, it's rather too late for me to do so.

he knew almost all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for him, that I love him not only because he's handsome and smart but also the way he laughs at everything and the way he sees life and love.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell him how I feel about him. I was scared because he might think that I'm taking advantage of him and our friendship. I was afraid of losing him so I just kept my feelings hidden.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that he already had a girlfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. His girlfriend was Lyn, his classmate. When I saw them walking together at the mall that afternoon, I watched him with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw him smile at me but I just pretended not to see him for I was scared that he might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing him with another girl.

Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see him walk by me with him at her side. every time we meet in hallways and I see her around him, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab him away from her. How it hurts to see the guy I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for him to cast on me was now casted on her. as he passes by me he doesn’t know that I whisper the words "God how I love you."

So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for him but still I couldn't bring myself to him for I was scared of losing him once more. I once lost him, now I could not bear of losing him again by telling him I love him. So I just kept my feelings hidden even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

I did everything to please him because I love him so much that I even tried to fool myself that he's in love with me, too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by him.

I could not bear to hear that all he feels for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want him to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.

Labels: fantasy, love, never, story, unrequited

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