-Jose Bergamin

he caressed my legs up to my neck. his soft fingers running to my body, slowly touching me, making me feel so exhilarated. i was blown away on how good he was on knowing the most sensitive parts of my body. i was on fire and my body was about to burn.

i ran my fingers down his spine and out of excitement, i scratched his back with my long finger nails leaving bruises for him to tend to. he was sweating and so was i. it was the moment we've been waiting. our perfect night. the night we imagined for so long.

he held me close, so tight that it was hard to breathe. his hands were on my head slowly touching my hair. savoring every moment of it, i closed my eyes, hoping this night wasn't going to end. he kissed my cheeks down to my shoulders. the feeling was so great that he literally left be breatheless. 

i was grasping for air, trying to remember how to breathe right. as i opened my eyes, i saw his beautiful eyes gazing at me as if he was looking at my soul, reading my thoughts and deciphering my expressions. he stood before me, holding the back of my head and thrusting it to his chest, making me listen to the beat of his heart. it was fast. and right then and there, i knew he was nervous all along.

he kept on touching me, making me feel that tingling sensation. i could not ask for more. he has given me enough to actually take in for one day. he was here with me, holding me close and never letting me go. his body so close to mine, his heart beating fast and his eyes were on me, never letting me out of his sight. i smiled at him and he smiled back and no one could ever take that away from me.

for the first time in a very long time, i felt secured. with him right by my side, we could surpass every storm that was coming our way. he was shield and i was his. we were together and with that, nothing could ever tear us apart. i was happy. we were happy.

and then as i opened my eyes, i saw the light from the sun. i searched the room and he wasn't there. then i realized it was too good to be true. my fantasy made it feel like it was my reality and my nightmare became something i could never escape. as i take in the pain of something that could be almost real, i took a deep breath, and finally let it go.



TTFN.

-Anaïs Nin

the most beautiful words in life are not created because it has to be done. no, the most beautiful words in life exist for the reason that people say what they feel and not just because they want to. it's because they have to.

this is not going to be just like my previous entries. this is all me -- minus the creativity.

never did i imagine keeping a blog this long. as i read my old posts, i can see how much i have fully grown and how much wisdom i was able to attain. i was a girl whose emotions have been played with. love was not my friend and up until now, love and i are still trying to patch things up. i guess i have to thank love for the pain he gave me. if i didn't experience those things, i guess i would still be a sad little weakling crying in the corner of the room, grapsing my thorned heart and trying to breathe right.

as i look at my past, i can say i already gained enough knowledge in this game they called life. i was able to survive it's challenges and now i am halfway through my journey in completing the goal i have set for myself.

the words i wrote here in my blog are all real. they may sound vague sometimes but never did i lie to myself so that i can just post something. everything here is all me. i don't have to think on what to say. every posts here came from my mind the moment i am inspired or just want to share something i think no one could ever understand.

i am an odd person. i don't like sharing my inner most feelings to my friends but i rather want to put them here in writing and in public. i could never understand why, though but this is my comfort zone and my blog holds everything i feel inside.

TTFN.