what am i but a mere mortal lurking in this planet. i'm not perfect nor close to perfection. i have never in my life got contented of what i have. more is what i always crave for. more money, more friends, more gadgets, more books and more awesome stuffs to splurge to.

i am nothing but a human being incapable of achieving great power. i am nothing more but a teenager hungry for fun, affection and love. i am nothing but a student struggling to pass college and most of all, i am nothing but a daughter who deceives my parents to get what i want because they restrain me from doing so.

beer, crack, smoke. stuffs that tempt me to become a lesser human being. whatever i do, it's always there. people drinking and smoking right in front of me, rubbing it in on my face, telling me to join them. human as i am, it has always been a struggle for me to flee away from these temptations. i give in and accepted the consequences life has given me.

i have no one to turn to. i face my problems alone. yes, i do have friends and yes, i tell them my problems but never did i ask for their help to solve it. lonesome? no. independent? yes. fucked up? probably. strong? i'm going there.

"PEOPLE ARE BRINGING YOU DOWN! STEP UP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" uhh. no. i am rubber, they are glue. whatever false, awful rumors they have said about me will just bounce back and it will stick to them. trust me, i am rubber and they are glue.

"life is short. sin a little." <--- enough said.

TTFN.

have you ever liked someone that you're not supposed to like? have you ever felt like the person you are crushing with would be the last person you would have a crush with?

i have. thrice in my oh so dramatic life.

i have no idea why would i make the same mistakes again. i can assure myself that i'm not in love with this person nor do i have strong emotions towards the said human being. i just find this new interest of mine extremely attractive.

maybe i'm weird or maybe not. maybe i'm just confused or maybe it was repressed or suppressed or whatever.

the day i realized that i started to be attracted towards this person, i was hesitant to admit it to myself the truth. my past is starting to haunt me again and i really don't want that to happen. not now, not to this person.

i'm trying my best to hide everything and to not let people think that i'm this kind of girl. i'm trying everything for them not to think bad things about me.

yes, i can be weird sometimes but this just got out of hand. it already got out of hand 4 years ago and i was proud of myself that i had control of the situation.

so, in the mean time, i just wish i could wish away my attraction towards this person but i simply can't. these emotions are too hard to control, making me a prisoner of my own self.

TTFN,

CHAM

why are some people hold on to the things they should really let go? why do they find it very hard to bid goodbye to the ones they love? why can't they just set them free?

he told her it's over. she cried and asked him to stay. he said he can't take it any longer and he would be much happier if they end their relationship. she begged him, went down on her knees and tears won't stop falling down her beautiful face. he knelt down, held her tight and kissed her on the forehead. he said he'll give it another shot and she buried her face on his shoulder.

he found someone new, he thinks she's better than her. she suspects that he's cheating on her, found a way to prove it and made plans to kick the girl out of the picture. it didn't work.

she was crying all night and thinking of ways to save their relationship. he told her again that it's over but she still wouldn't let him go. he was in misery every time he was with her while she was in heaven every moment they were together.

she was desperate to get her man back while he was desperate to escape from her arms. she loves him more than anything else in the world. he despises her attitude and every single part of her.

it was hard for her to say goodbye to him. he has been saying goodbye since the faithful day he met another girl. she still wants to hold on, to be with him in every possible way.

she's chasing him. her dream man, the man she ever love in her 17 years of existence.

then she broke down and cried. she couldn't help the fact that he's slipping away.