how we act so childish that no one can even understand why we're laughing so hard. how we do such stupid things to get ourselves humiliated regardless of the people around us. how loud are voices were even though the person we're talking is right beside us. the times when we broke the rules that we end up being called in the principal's office yet when we got out, we still have those huge smiles on our faces. how we crammed for tests and to keep each other awake, we text them. how we laugh out loud during breaks in the corridors. the times when we used to follow our crushes. lie to our parents to go to some outing. 

but now? no more. things aren't the same as before. for me, that is. they still hang out but i'm not with them anymore. i get out of place every time they talk. i was like, "okie. time for me to shut up and listen now." 

worst experience i had with them was when NONE OF THEM greeted me during my 18th birthday. i said to myself, "wow. they really do hate me now." not a single text, a personal message or even a comment in my friendster account. i was down. really down. that's when i started to think that they really do have forgotten about me. 

even my new friends greeted me. i really felt happy about that coz they remembered even though i didn't spent 4 years of my life with them.

now, when i browse their friendster accounts and see those happy pictures they have taken, i kinda have this queazy feeling in my tummy. i miss them more that i thought. i felt kinda sad for myself coz i was once one of them and now, i'm out.

i changed. i know that. but maybe they can't accept the huge changes that took place. maybe that's why i was left behind and maybe that's the reason why i left them. -they can't accept me for who i am and what i have become.

for the huge change, for the bad attitude, for every thing.

i don't have the slightest idea if they have forgiven me or not. one thing is for sure, we are still talking to each other but i can't help but feel that there's a wall between us. we talk but not like before. short conversations only. and i kinda missed out a lot. 

the short and short of it is that: I MISS THEM.